Yes, it’s that one obligatory sexism post after the shootings.
Two of the phrases that have been going around after, perhaps even before, this happened have really stuck with me. They are:
‘ “Not all men!” Okay, so by that logic, Russian roulette is perfectly safe. Not ALL of the chambers have bullets in them.’ (I prefer this to the candy analogy, because getting a guy who doesn’t rape or kill you isn’t a reward, it’s just not dying. He could still be a bad guy.)
‘Because the odds of being attacked by a shark are around 1 in 3,000,000 and the odds of a woman being raped are 1 in 6. Yet a fear of sharks is seen as rational whereas a fear of men is seen as misandry.’
So I thought I’d ask some questions that the women I know think about a lot, or just wonder about occasionally. I sent them to a guy friend who I trusted to answer them honestly. This was the result:
- How long, on average, do you think it takes you to realise you like a girl after you first see her?
Well trying to put an average on this is hard. Sometimes you just realise that you like a girl, other times you don’t even realise till someone mentions it to you. Some of the guys I spoke to about this said it will normally take a couple of weeks for real emotions to kick in, but have been known to ‘fall’ at first sight.
- Do you think the friendzone actually exists? Why do you think guys hold on to this concept so strongly?
I personally think that the friendzone is a silly concept, but that is only something I realised recently when talking to a friend who is slightly less grown up about the whole dating thing. His view was that any girl he shows an interest in who does not reciprocate, but still tries to be his friend, has clearly friendzoned him. I think that guys hold on to the concept as a safety net which they use to protect their egos when a girl is not interested.
- Have you ever held out hope for a relationship over a long period of time, even if the girl has shown no interest?
Well, I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, and have been known in the past to hang on to what little chance there was, but I think this is something guys do less as they grow up. Sometimes I think I hold on to the idea of a relationship like this because I want to know why the girl shows no interest. At this point I want to point out that I am not an egomaniac who requires everyone’s affection. I have also found in the past that some of the best friendships I have with females came out of these ‘no hope’ situations and I think that’s why I still exercise the idea that these relationship are not hopeless.
- Were you ever angry at a girl for liking someone else even though you had never told her how you felt? If yes, why do you think that was?
Once again I think it is very much a maturity thing. In the past I used to get really annoyed by the whole thing, but that was because I was bad at talking to women and my mates were all that bit better. Since leaving home and heading off to university I have found that just because they are attracted to someone else is no reason for me to get annoyed, its only when the girl knows how you feel and then tries to use that to her advantage, that’s when I get angry.
- What are you most afraid of happening on a night out? What are you most afraid of happening to a female friend with you on a night out?
Well, although I am in a city that has been deemed the third safest university city, I feel that nights out can often be dangerous, more so for my female friends then myself. I am six foot tall and most people try to avoid me. Some of the worst things to happen on a night out for me were mainly when I end up intervening in the problems of others, I have had to stop a large number of drunken fights and help get people away from groups of overly eager guys. It’s to the point that, on nights when I know people are going out, I have to leave my phone on loud just in case someone needs me.
The biggest worry on a night out I have for my female friends is they’ll be taken advantage of by a guy. Without sounding sexist I want to point out that I feel the need to protect the girls from guys who are a little too keen. I guess there is always a constant fear that one of the girls will be attacked or raped on the way home if unescorted. I know that this will most likely not happen but I don’t like to think of how bad I would feel if I let that happen on my watch.
- Have you ever felt the need to pretend to be in a relationship with a female friend to get her out of a conversation with someone she didn’t want to talk to? Why do you think that worked, and her saying ‘No, thank you’ didn’t?
Yeah this is something that happens a lot, sometimes more than once a night. It’s something kind of like an unwritten rule that guys will back off if a girl is taken.
I think the fact that most often this happens in clubs is an important point when understanding why guys don’t take no for an answer. The female most often goes to the club to dress up, dance and have a nice night, whereas no guy goes to a club without a vague understanding that he is trying to meet someone and take them home. I myself am guilty of this, in fact I don’t even go near the places when I’m in a relationship. I think when a girl says ‘no thanks’ a guy often sees it as a ‘not now’, not a no. Which is horrible.
- Have you ever been hit on by a guy? If so, did it make you feel uncomfortable? Why? And did that make you think a bit more about how some guys make girls feel in the same situation?
I have been hit on by a guy but my guess is that, unlike the sort of guys that hit on girls, he was not so forceful about the matter. I have been told at times that I give off a flamboyant vibe when I have been drinking, mainly singing and being overly cheerful, which may explain why I have been hit on but it did not make me overly uncomfortable, just a little confused at first. Other times I have been accidentally ‘touched’ in a club by overly drunk guys trying to feel up my companions which has given me a perspective on the horrors that girls must feel when subjected to the male of the species.
As a final close I would like to point out that for the most part this is the opinion of one male who tries to avoid being grouped with the bad side of the gender who take advantage of the situation and cause women hassle. I do not speak on behalf of all males and have consulted my close friends for advice when answering them. I hope I have not caused offence to any readers.
It ended up much nicer than I thought it would. But maybe that’s just because I don’t have many sexist friends.
Anyway, at least this has shown that even the ‘Not all men’ can understand that ‘Yes all women’ struggle with this every day.