Why ‘Nice Guys’ sometimes don’t get the girl.

So this annoys me quite a bit. Partially because I’ve been on one side of my fair share of unrequited emotions from so called ‘nice guys’, and also just because of my gender. We get a fair amount of bashing for not going out with the Nice Guys. (I’m giving up the quotes, you all know what I’m talking about by now)

So let’s get on to the thought that gave me the idea for this post:

Why girls don’t like the Nice Guys, okay, not the only reason, but it’s a big one all the same:
You’re not special.

Now I know this isn’t in all cases, but it’s in a fair few so stay with me.
It’s the fact that the Nice Guy could literally like anyone who liked him. It’s almost a desperation, but it’s just a desperation to be liked. Hell, even I get that from time to time and I’m sure most of us do.

It’s like they put you on a pedestal and only see you as perfect.

That can be a boost to the confidence, someone seeing you as the best thing out there, even if it is only temporary rose-coloured glasses due to you giving them attention and possibly being open to a relationship with them. (Apologies for the run on sentence there.)
But not all girls want to be seen as perfect.

I personally want someone to see me as flawed, and love my flaws all the same, or at least most of them.

It prevents them from seeing me properly, as a whole human being. And I want someone to get to know me and like me for me all the more.

It makes you feel like you could be anyone out of the crowd. Like they could move on to loving someone else just as easily. It’s strong, but it’s also so fragile. And that’s scary; it doesn’t feel real.

It’s a thing that stems from the guy being self conscious. He needs to sort of his own confidence (which is tough as all hell to do) and then be assertive in what he wants and seeing clearly who the other person he likes is. Then he’ll stop being a Nice Guy and start being a Guy. (Though he hopefully isn’t also a friend zoning Nice Guy or else he’s a douche and you can’t easily do something about that.)

Really, all we really want is to find someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with. And that’s mostly about working well together. Love and looks can both fade, but compatibility can stay forever. God knows my parents look nothing like they did when they first got together, but they still work well together so they still have that solid base to a marriage.

I won’t leave this with a ‘just get more confidence’ sound bite. That’s not fair to anyone; it’s never that easy. But confidence grows with age and experience, so you’ll get there.

This has been another fluffy motivational and ranting blog post from yours truly. It wasn’t my intention for this blog, but that’s the direction it’s going and I usually listen to whatever my brain tells me to type. It hasn’t steered me wrong yet. (Crossed fingers)

7 thoughts on “Why ‘Nice Guys’ sometimes don’t get the girl.

  1. “Love and look sfade, but compatibility lasts forever.” – I love this, and it’s truly a touching post about lasting love. My parents are the same way, they have aged but still work, fight, and get over things. But most importantly, they do it together!

  2. You are so right about wanting to be with someone who loves you just the way you are. And no, you don’t need to be “special.” My husband and I have been together since 1974 and I’m not one of those “special” girls, believe me. He loves me no matter what, and yes, compatibility is important. Great post!

  3. I totally agree. Most (and obviously I can’t speak for everyone) females want to feel special, and not the kind of special you get just from suffocating us with stalker-like attention. Which is the kind of attention you get from “nice guys” because as you said, its almost as if they’re desperate for the first person who notices them. We want to feel chosen by someone who can have their pick of the litter but love us because [insert special reason here].

  4. Pingback: The Friday Five: My Favorite Posts of the Week | Half and Half

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