I’ve been trying to be happier recently.
It’s not that I’ve been depressed or even particularly sad, just not particularly happy either.
It might be one of those things that just happens when you’re thrown out into the real world and things don’t go quite as you expected. Or maybe it’s just a residual sadness from being rejected from so many jobs, especially the most recent one which was one I really wanted to do.
But really I’ve been feeling just not good enough.
Not good enough at writing, not even good enough at maths which is what I got my degree in. Really it didn’t make much sense.
So I was told by someone that writing a few things down each day that are good about yourself can help you to shift your mindset. Help you to see yourself in a better light, and really just try to not focus on just the negatives.
On day 1 I found it fairly easy: I always have a few things I like about myself stored away in case someone asks me about it. Usually my eyes, my butt, and my general politeness and niceness. So that wasn’t too hard.
On day 2 it started to get harder. I made myself write down something different each day so I would have a long list of positive things about myself when I was done. (This was only for a week).
But I found that I struggled a bit once my go to ones were gone. I had to dig a little deeper to think about what was actually good about myself. It actually felt more rewarding afterwards because of that I think.
In the later days it got even harder, but occasionally I’d hit on a vein of myself that I didn’t realise I thought was good and that would be a bit easier.
When I had the full list I read it through again. I realised a few things about my list:
It was mostly things about my physical appearance, as if I judged that much more highly than I judged personality traits, or things I did for others. I realised my perception was skewed, and I needed to fix that.
But I also realised that I hadn’t put down ‘good at maths’ or ‘good at writing’ in the list at all. Do I not think that they are positive things about me, or do I not think that I am good at them?
It makes less sense to think that about the maths, I have physical evidence to back up that I’m good at it. But I’ve never really got proof of my abilities in writing, just some compliments from people who have read the stuff I write.
Maybe I need to work on that more. Get myself some proof of my abilities and then maybe I’ll believe it.
But I do know that I really need to work on my self image. I need to believe in myself more.
It ended up being a very positive experience for me. Maybe it could be for you too?
Thank you for reading.